Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace – Spiciest Dish in Columbus Series

Nothin’ keener than their wiener.

Opened in 2009 in a partnership with Elizabeth Lessner, Dirty Frank’s has since been owned and operated by Nick Ailabouni. With two locations in the past, Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace consolidated down to just the downtown location in 2017 after some troubling building news for their West Broad eatery. With colorful walls and colorful language, we definitely jive with the overall vibe of Dirty Frank’s. Fun names, fresh hot dog flavors, they’re not afraid to slap some weirdness on a bun.

At the moment, Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace features 29 full-time hot dogs along with specials, big sloppy plates, bacon-specific docs in their Viva Baconia section and a host of potato-based sides. Some of the fun doggos are Puff the Magic Popper (cheddar cream cheese, jalapenos, & bacon bits), The Classy Lady (cheese sauce & crushed potato chips), and The CBJ Dog (cheese sauce, bacon bits, & jalapenos), to name a few.

Each dog comes with the option of two dog types “Vienna Beef Dog” or “Dirty Frank’s own Veggie Dog” at no extra cost or if you’re looking to splurge you can go with a bacon-wrapped dog, jumbo beef dog, bratwurst, or polish sausage (meat or veggie).

Then there are the bun options. Steamed Poppyseed Bun, Romaine Lettuce Wrap, or Gluten-free Bun are available for you. The customization choices are endless. Your dogs, your way. By our count, that’s at least 1 million permutations of hot dog, but we’re not mathematicians, so don’t take our word for it. Bottom line, whether you’re a meat-eater, vegetarian, or vegan, there are options for you to consume. All of it is in service of their mission of “stuffing wieners in faces since 2009.”

It’s important to note before we get into the spicy dogs that we did inquire about whether a hot dog was a sandwich. Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace chose to let the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council speak for them in this case, a very diplomatic approach. “Limiting the hot dog’s significance by saying it’s ‘just a sandwich’ is like calling the Dalai Lama ‘just a guy’.” Further rebuking sandwiches by saying, “We’re going to stand by the professionals on this one. Sandwiches can stay in their lane – we’ll see ’em at the finish line.”

Now, onto the spicy dogs. And yes, we know they don’t look great, but that’s what these takeout times have done to our beloved food shots.

Behold! The Mighty Cerberus, the three-headed demon dog that protects the gates of Hades from those unworthy of entrance! (but there are are 4 dogs pictured) Erm, The Mighty Cerberus annnd …an extra? Gaze upon its fury and tremble before its spicy power for this week we plunged into the depths of spicy wiener Hell to determine which dog was indeed the spiciest. All dogs go to heaven?! NOT ON THIS DAY!

First up was the kimchi-laden extra head of Cerberus, the Seoul Dog. With kimchee (spicy pickled cabbage), mayo, and a sriracha drizzle, this doggo was more of a “greet you at the front of the club and offer you a refreshing drink” than it was a guardian of the realm. One wiener down, three to get past.

As I attempted to sneak past the hulking behemoth, its head swung around, apparently triggered by my cronching of tater tots (who could blame me). Once noticed I had to fight through the Fire on the Rhine, loaded with spicy Fire Kraut (sriracha, chili paste, garlic, & onion). A heinous red not dissimilar to the kimchi but with a funkier flavor, I pushed past the beast. A hint of heat and the lightest of sniffles, but in three gnashes of the teeth, the beast was bested. He whimpered as I withdrew another hot dog pun, saddened by my poor wordplay.

The battle had awakened the second, more powerful head of the beast and as Fire on the Rhine withdrew I was sideswiped by Hot Bollywood. This flaky hellhound came to party and was not shy about it. Dancing past me with its red pepper flakes, chili paste, onions and mango chutney, this sweet and spicy dog was ready to rumble. I gnashed my teeth and lunged in with a quick bite, a rush of heat from the red pepper flakes with an added sweet heat from the spicy mango chutney. Fierier than the Fire on the Rhine, the Hot Bollywood recoiled, trying to recover some of the flakes it had dispelled. Another fast attack was met with a parry, with the heat seeping further onto my tongue and engulfing the back half of my mouth. The beast was not going down easily, but I was not about to be bested. One more lunge and the wiener was wasted. As it fell I caught my breath. The Hot Bollywood had lingered longer than expected, a somewhat worthy adversary.

Queue Mick Gordon’s “Rip & Tear” from the 2016 DOOM OST.

Wheeling around it’s dumpster-fire mug came the final head of the ferocious frankfurter, the Dog From 2020. It wasn’t enough to keep this dog named “Dog From Hell,” Dirty Frank’s had to summon the chaos of the past year and condense it down into a meat tube. Murder hornets poked at its side and I could vaguely hear “low spice tolerance, terrible writer, nobody likes their sauce. Who is Fartley Farms?” “DAMN YOU TREBEK!” I lunged forward, determined to destroy this beast and send it back to the depths from where it came. Simple on the outside, but hiding underneath the cream cheese is an offsetting coating of red pepper flakes, forcing the fire to rise once again. But that’s not all. A fantastic fiery mix of peppers, carrots, onions, and spices keep the heat alive in its Satanically spicy giardiniera, whose peppery secrets stay hidden to this day. Bite after bite, I was again surprised by heat of the giardiniera. An addictive blast of heat and vinegar that had me zoning out. One more slash and the wiener monster was vanquished. As its massive body toppled over, I stood back, wondering when I would face my next foe.

The above order is how we would rank each of these spicy doggos in order, with the Dog From 2020 hitting the highest heat and the Hot Bollywood coming in second. All things considered, we’re placing Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace at #67, a fun adventure for spice seekers, just before Pho Chef’s Spicy Filet Steak Rice Noodles and just after Havana Mia’s Hot Sauce. Honestly, if you like giardiniera at all, you should just get the spicy giardiniera on any dog you order. It’s a treat. So many dogs and so little time (and so many with bacon), Dirty Frank’s will always hold a special place in our congested heart.

You can find Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace at 248 S. 4th Street Columbus, Ohio 43215 or on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter

Look below for more on our spiciest dish in Columbus series and hit us up if you have any suggestions that are not already on our list!

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