The 5 Stages of Eating Spicy Things
We’ve eaten a lot of spicy dishes and even more spicy sauces, so we know a thing or two about the different stages you go through when eating them. For those that wonder what it’s like, we’ve outlined a summary of our experiences below.
How hot could it be? They wouldn’t sell it if we couldn’t handle it. It’s a classic line of thought, but some people are just out there to get you. Take the Shinigami Ramen for instance. It was made to kill me. Satori Ramen was hoping it would be too much to handle. If folks thought we could handle anything there wouldn’t be extract sauces. This will be a cake walk, you got this. Your cockiness brought you this far, but then something starts to happen. The heat starts to kick in.
Realization You’ve Made a Mistake / Panic
This is common. The cockiness has worn off and now you have to sit with the decision you’ve made. The food or sauce is already in your mouth and going down the pipes and you realize that you’ve made a terrible mistake. The heat starts to well and the next steps will be worse. There’s a moment where your life flashes before your eyes and you know you’ll never be the same. Start writing your will, because the next five to thirty minutes will be your last.
Your body is an amazing thing. When met with spicy foods, it triggers the brain to think that your mouth is on fire. Depending on the SHU you’re dealing with, sometimes it goes into overdrive. You start to sweat uncontrollably, to cool you down. Your nose starts to run, to help cool you down. Your mouth waters, again, to cool you down. The neurotransmitters in your brain start shooting out dopamine and endorphins to offset the pain, giving you a feeling similar to a runner’s high, but this is an unacceptable amount of snot, sweat, and drool. You’re a monster now and you can’t do anything about it. Sometimes there will be so much snot you go deaf (no joke). Everything in your body is telling you “hey this isn’t normal, what did you do” but again, it’s too late.
You did this to yourself, unless it was peer pressure or your friends lied to you (in which case you should get new friends). As the body malfunction starts to fade, the new fate is accepted. Things will never be the same and this is just your life. Maybe you can move somewhere hot where your outsides can feel like your insides. Regardless, it is done and this is fine.
Roughly 30 minutes after the ordeal, the real pain starts to kick in and the next day will be spent wondering when you’ll ever be a whole person again. Frequent trips to the bathroom and in extreme cases, massive stomach pains. You promise yourself you’ll never eat anything that spicy again, but you know it’s a lie. The worst part of chasing the spicy dragon is you’ll build up a tolerance and something that was spicy last week will be mild next week. It’s a game that can’t be won, but keep getting after it dear friend. We believe in you.
Of course after all of that, we forget the past and the next time someone recommends something new and spicy you’re all like:
Hello spicy traveler, try our sauces!
More From the Fartley Farms Blog
Spiciest Dish in Columbus, OH
Our first ever city series and our quest to find the “spiciest dish” in Columbus, OH
Spiciest Dish in Columbus Series: Flip Side
A wise man once said, “I’d gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” That’s a good way to get …
Spiciest Dish in Columbus Series: Afra Grill
“African inspired, American made,” Afra Grill brings a new flavor to Flavortown, OH. In our quest to branch further out …
Spiciest Dish in Columbus Series: Lucky’s Grille and Sports Pub
It’s been a while since we wandered into wing territory and when we go for it, we go hard. Lucky’s …
Caribbean Red Habanero – Pepper Pthursday
So, you know by now that we love super hot peppers, but sometimes we grow less destructive peppers as well. …
Barry’s Hot Sauce – Original X Reaper Edition Feature
Barry’s Hot Sauce is one of the first small-batch makers we ever reached out to and oddly enough it was …
Jersey Barnfire Black Garlic Bacon Hot Sauce Feature
Based in Sparta, New Jersey, Jersey Barnfire Hot Sauce has been in business since summer of 2011 and boasts 10 …
Spiciest Dish in Columbus Series: Drelyse African Restaurant
This spicy dish had been on our list for quite a while, but it was a bit out there so …
Facepunch – Project X Special Edition Hot Sauce Feature
Featuring rubs and multiple sauces, Facepunch has been in the hot sauce game since 2002. Based in St. Paul, Minnesota …
Lomalita – Habanero Hot Sauce Feature
This week for Medium Monday it’s the Lomalita Hot Sauce, a habanero sauce that aims to enhance any food it’s …